Renovate your Reality

Rebuild

I’m pretty sure that most of us are familiar with the old saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  I remember hearing the saying over the years on various television shows, via coworkers, educators, etc., and it wasn’t until my millionth free lemon that I paid attention to what that really meant.  For years, I have been weighed down by these lemons, and recently, I have learned phenomenal lemonade recipes. Rather than wallow in sorrow, why not take what you are dealt and make something better?

For years, I have suffered because I have been mistakenly thinking that I can change my situations and change my relationships for the better by helping others “see the light.”  In reality, we do not have control over anything but ourselves.  I cannot change a cheating man or a narcissistic asshole I encounter; rather, I can make the decision on whether I will allow such presences in my life, and in the event that I do not have a choice, I can control how I handle myself in dealing with them and how I handle myself in less than ideal circumstances.  At the moment, I may not be able to quit a stressful job; however, I can develop a plan of exit and put forth the effort to execute.  When I am faced with tragedy, I can decide to give up or push forward; thus, when my life crumbles, I can decide to live in the fragments, or I can decide to rebuild.

 

 

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Perspective or Understanding?

Understandingperception

When I looked at the daily post prompt, I thought of 90’s hit song, Understanding, by Xscape, reminiscent of a time I wondered why that boy I had a crush on just didn’t understand me.  To me, understanding is perception.  How we perceive any given situation elicits our individual understandings.  We all, in fact, gain understanding of situations; however, it all depends on our individual perceptions.

Let’s start with an example.  There was a couple who argued for 2 days due to varying perceptions of the same situation.  Let’s call them Max and Diane.  Max and Diane were taking a lovely drive through a small European village.  Diane was driving and came to a stop light.  The light, for some reason would not turn green, and Diane became impatient.  She looked at Max and suggested, “Let’s just run the light.”  Max disagreed.  In fact, he emphatically responded, “Absolutely not!  This is not the U.S.  It is different here!”  Diane rolled her eyes, and watched the line of traffic developing in the rear-view mirror.  The car immediately behind her turned right, and Diane pointed the car out to Max while saying, “See, they don’t want to wait either.”  Max aggressively replied, “They are going somewhere else!”  At that time, they both watched the car do a u-turn and proceed in the direction that they were waiting to go in.  They in fact, had just avoided the red light of eternity!  Max ignored his inaccuracy, and Diane stared at Max with her jaw dropped.  This was yet another occurrence of Max taking the opportunity to shoot her down.  She felt like Max kept his gun drawn at all times to take any and every opportunity to shoot her points of view down.

Diane confronted Max about the situation, and he dodged his colossal error by arguing that he did not know that the person driving the car was avoiding the light because he did not have the same view as Diane.  Max had a different perspective, thus, a different perception.  They had two different understandings.  Unfortunately, this had become a regular occurrence with the couple, and Diane was fed up.  Max and Diane communicated minimally over the next two days due to a minor disagreement.  When Diane finally broke the silence and confronted the situation, the couple engaged in yet another argument.  Diane was exhausted from constantly having to argue points with Max, no matter how important or petty.  On the other hand, Max was confused and irritated that Diane was still upset about a stop light.  Again, they had two different perceptions of the situation, which makes me wonder, is it a question of understanding or perspective?

Cognitive Malfunction

Originally written, February 20, 2013, by Dionne L. Dansbybrain overload

I’ve always been told that I think entirely too much.  I often find myself obsessing over events to the point that I catch myself grinding my teeth and clenching my jaws in my sleep.  I wake up with a horrible headache, and if I’m not careful, I may saw my teeth down until they look like kernels of corn.  Anyhow, I have been trying to come up with ways to kick the overheating of my cognitive circuits; thus, the term I coined for myself, Cognitive Malfunction.

I know everyone has problems.  Life would not be life without them.  I just find myself obsessing about all of mine.  It could be anything like trying to figure out how to break the Guinness Book of Wold Records for juggling bills, worrying if I said the wrong thing to a person, to wondering if my latest is digging me like I’m digging him.  I find myself creating scenarios in my mind when I don’t hear from him and even thinking of how our next conversation will go.  Sometimes I feel like , Brace Face.  Does anyone else remember that cartoon where that girl would always imagine something going so great, then her braces zapping something or causing a catastrophic event?  I feel like I think so much that I take the joy even out of wonderful times.  Instead of basking in them, I tend to think about what to say or do next and usually say or do something completely idiotic, then spend the next few days tossing it around in my brain.  Cognitive Malfunction!

Maybe I’m always guarded.  I feel like I’ve been let down so many times by not only others, but myself included, that maybe I struggle to keep things good when they are good.  Then, when life gives me lemons, I’m trying to make Pink Panties instead of lemonade.  How do you just live?  How do you just take things how they are and not self-destruct?  How do you fly by the seat of your pants; yet, still remain grounded?  AHHHH…I need to stop before I cognitively malfunction!

Is 30 the New Acne?

Recently, someone I care about called me, acne face, during an argument.  It socked me in the gut and took the air right out of my stomach.  I couldn’t even consciously finish the argument.  I think it hit me so hard because I have been struggling with this for the past 2 years.  I have tried various beauty products ranging from top of the line to the clearance shelf at the local drug store, and I have had zero relief, until recently.  I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, or should I say, the glow between the dark patches?

Although this has been a struggle, I am thankful for my acne-fighting journey.  During this time, I have taken the time to learn that many variables can and do contribute to acne, which has led me to be more conscious about what I put into and on by body.   I did most of my research online, and came across interesting articles, as well as scientific research.  Through this discovery, I learned that my acne issue was much deeper than oily, clogged pores.  I learned that I have a medical condition that goes undiagnosed in a large number of the female population.

After trying various internet methods of diet changes, more exercise, and a plethora of mineral supplements, I became extremely frustrated and defeated, so I decided to call my doctor.  During my search from crater relief, I found out that acne can be a result of various medical issues.  Three appointments and about 4 months later, I was finally diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). The diagnosis was a result of a series of blood tests, a sonogram of my ovaries, and physical characteristics that I had been suffering with.  Cystic acne and blackheads had totally invaded my face, my hair was thinning at an accelerated rate, and my chin was starting to look like whiskerville! To add to this travesty, I was putting on weight despite my diet change and increased exercise!  My endocrinologist was puzzled due to my thyroid levels being normal. I am sub-clinical hypothyroid as well, by the way.  After my sonogram, which revealed numerous cysts around my ovaries, and my blood work, reflecting an enormous number for androgen (testosterone) and insulin resistance, I was officially diagnosed.  Although, I did not want to add to my lifetime medication of Armour Thyroid, I was truly relieved and finally had hope that my problems would soon be over!  I felt like I had finally reached the peak of my uphill battle to relief.

During my diagnosis visit, I was prescribed a small cocktail of medications.  Me, being my normal neurotic medicine detective self, I started a quest of medicinal side-effects.  I found that each medication I was on could lead to horrific side-effects, so I decided to find natural alternatives…another 4 months wasted.  I am a supporter of natural, organic, etc.; however, in this case, it just was not working.  My acne was getting worse, and working out like G.I. Jane was producing minimal results.  I bit the bullet and started my legal drug cocktail.  To my delight, my skin has been slowly but surely improving!  I had dark patches on both of my cheeks under cystic acne, and about 65 percent of that has cleared up.  My scale is no longer a dreaded plank-walk, and I have no longer been craving sugar like a malnourished colony of ants!

I have felt alone and helpless at times during this journey.  Many of us women tend to focus more on cosmetic flaws the older we get, and honestly, I have been devastated watching my beauty fade.  It really took a toll on my self-esteem, body image, and emotional stability.  I got to the point where I totally wanted to avoid public places at all costs; to include, work, activities for my children, and other social gatherings.  Even though I hid behind a mound of make-up, I constantly had the overwhelming feeling that everyone there was staring at my face.  I often thought while holding face-to-face conversations, that my latest colossal zit and my extremely thin hair, was the focus of the other person’s attention.  I sensed pity from family and life-long friends, and thought that I was looked at as, “The Girl who was Once Pretty.”  Looking at my more recent social media pictures compared to older ones, I noticed how much more make-up I was relying on.  When that person called me acne face, it sent me into a whirl of reactions and emotions, and hopefully, one person who reads this will be able to take comfort in a similar struggle.  I felt like my 30’s had led me into a downward spiral of acne, bloat, and a receding hairline, which turned out to be a treatable medical condition.

 

Welcome to Lucid Wine

I am a 30’s women, newly married, and I have 4 children.  I have  been in the education profession for the last 14 years, and have climbed the ladder from teaching to administration.  I love the successes I have experienced; however, my true passion is and has always been, writing.  I have so many thoughts and experiences to share and have thought about anonymous blogging.  After looking into it, and seeing how much you have to do to “hide”, I felt that I should start with more comfortable topics then go deeper as time goes on.

I “anonymously” blogged a few years ago, but did not keep up with it.  I will share a few of those posts here as well or just provide the links.  I used quotation marks because I thought I was anonymous, but the blog was connected to by personal email with an anonymous name attached to it.  I had a lot to learn…LOL!  Anyhow, I hope this takes off and serves it’s purpose!  I can’t wait to share!